> # Chris and some ****

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> Posted by Jamie (and Chris) on July 06, 2016 at 22:07:45

> Chris and me have been working for our uncle Danny for the last week and a half and are doing so until Saturday, all as part of our school’s work experience programme. It has been a mix of working in the office – ordering supplies, filling out planning forms, working out estimates and compiling bills for clients and so on – and working on site doing fetching and carrying, learning what the different trades do and going to the builders’ merchants. Everyone was very patient with our silly questions and it has been fun as well.

> On Monday we were on site at a farmhouse which is being restored, a lovely old house with Cotswold stone walls and roof tiles. It has been completely refurbished with new doors and windows of oak but with modern conveniences like triple glazing, low energy lighting and so on. Whilst we were there the guys were installing a new waste water and sewerage system, including a complicated septic tank / purification system. The new tank was in the ground but needed to be connected to the old cesspit next to it, and the installers had knocked the pipe through before putting the top on so we just needed to “unplug” it on the new side, to allow connection. They had been unable to check properly how full the cesspit was as it would have meant breaking into it below ground. We watched as one of the guys tried to reach down and unscrew the bung but it was too far down.

> “We need to lower someone down to do this – you’re probably the lightest Bill, OK ?” said Syd the foreman.

> “Yeah, sure.” Bill replied.

> They tied a rope around him under his armpits and he sat on the edge before lowering him in. It was a tight fit – Bill might have been the lightest of the crew but he was still a bulky chap.

> “It’s too narrow in here, I can’t move my arms – haul me up guys.” Bill said.

> “I’ll have a go – I’m slimmer than Bill.” Chris piped up.

> “That’s true – slimmer than any of us – are you sure, though ? Wouldn’t want the boss to think we pressured you.”

> “No, I volunteered didn’t I ?” Chris said “You didn’t ask me at all.”

> “OK, let’s tie this rope around you. We’ll lower you down through the top tube, you can see how big it is, near the bottom of the tube is a large screw cap on the end of a pipe that protrudes about six inches. Unscrew that and keep hold of it to bring it out with you, it’s not heavy just plastic. Best to brace your knees against the side as you unscrew it then you won’t bang your head around as you work. Here’s a hard hat with a light on so you can see what you are doing. Give a shout when you want us to pull you up.” Bill said.

> “What happens when I unscrew the cap ?” Chris asked.

> “Nothing hopefully, maybe just a trickle of water, we’re told the old tank is empty.”

> So they lowered Chris down and he called for them to stop when he reached the pipe. We heard him unscrew it and then there was a strange gurgling and the sound of something splashing. After a few moments Chris called to be hauled up.

> The helmet and light appeared first, then a vile smell, followed by Chris’s face splattered in a brown something followed by the rest of him covered from his chest down in what can only be described as thick, brown s**t, lots of it. He did not look happy.

> “It would appear that you were misinformed about the old tank being empty …….” Chris observed very calmly and quietly as he stood up.

> Everyone had taken a step back as he had hauled himself out and sat on the side of the hole. He dropped the screw plug on the ground and looked up at us all. He was completely covered from his chest down, not a square inch of his blue jeans showed blue and the stuff had soaked his red check shirt the same brown as his jeans and boots. The smell was appalling.

> A couple of the guys were trying not to laugh, but Bill scowled at them and one of them went off to get a hose. When he got back we hosed Chris down until he was clean, then hosed him down again as he stripped off his clothes, then hosed him down again as he stood naked in front of us, then we hosed him down again as he washed his boxer-briefs, wrung them out and pulled them back on. As we approached him the smell was still pretty ripe, so we moved him away from the tank, thinking it might be from that, and continued hosing him down until he was stood there shivering. He still stank a bit. We dumped his jeans, boots and shirt in a bucket and one of the guys found an old pair of shorts in his van for Chris to wear, they were miles too big so he tied them up with a bit of old rope. The rest of the guys had a good laugh about Chris’ misadventure and promised a few pints at the pub at the end of the week visit. I borrowed a van and took Chris and his still smelly clothes home, leaving him under a hot shower with some heavily scented soap. I went back on site and when I eventually got home he was looking fresh and glistening, but still with a very faint odour of s**t lingering in the air, ha ha.

> Follow Ups:

> - Re: Chris and some **** Justin 03:45:53 7/08/2016 (0)
> - Re: Chris and some **** blueandwet 10:47:43 7/07/2016 (1)
>   - Re: Chris and some **** Chris (and Jamie) 16:04:43 7/07/2016 (0)
> - Re: Chris and some **** LeviloR 10:30:05 7/07/2016 (1)
>   - Re: Chris and some **** Chris (and Jamie) 16:06:59 7/07/2016 (0)
> - Re: Chris and some **** wetchas 08:22:49 7/07/2016 (3)
>   - Re: Chris and some **** Chris (and Jamie) 09:49:59 7/07/2016 (2)
>     - Re: Chris and some **** swimmerrat 12:09:56 7/07/2016 (1)
>       - Re: Chris and some **** Chris (and Jamie) 16:09:15 7/07/2016 (0)

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