# Re: Bachelorette Beach Party

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Posted by MRN on June 30, 2023 at 22:31:26

In Reply to: Bachelorette Beach Party posted by LeviLovR on June 30, 2023 at 22:02:23:

Wow, I didn’t realise you were anywhere near that shy.

The last few weeks have thrown my mind into turmoil, including disrupting my understanding of my own personality (although I’ve known for a long time how large my personality range dependent on circumstances). My experiences with the woman I pass on the way to work brought home to me a particular idea. Most of us understand the stereotypical idea of seduction, but if any woman tried to seduce me like that she would scare the life out of me. Seduction is someone else attempting to take control of a situation at a pace that leaves too little time to process it: do you go along with them at their pace and risk getting out of your depth (and let’s face it, risking pregnancy) or do you try to rein things in and risk their disappointment and abandonment?

Seduction, to me, comprises very gentle gestures such as affirmation. When I handed my note to Gretel as we passed, I had the spur-of-the-moment idea to call out “Morning post!” which she responded very positively to. Her reply came in a little envelope labelled “Good morning post!” — affirmation and reciprocation. Gentle, slow, but positive, although nothing more than friendly of course! However, that kind of thing is orders of magnitude more effective, as it validates you and gives you a chance to acclimatise.

I can truly imagine why being invited in by a group of girls would be terrifying, because you’re being drawn into a scenario that you may not have control over, and you could find yourself out of your depth! (Metaphorically, not physically!)

It also introduces what I call “group dynamics”: the need sometimes to fight to assert your role in the group lest you get forgotten and ignored. (This is made worse if there is a lot of background noise and, like me, you have trouble hearing a person over it.) Even in a well-behaved group where you are welcome and invited, if like me you are still very shy and insecure, trying to strike such a balance is a significant source of confusion and anxiety.

Let’s really hope that they give you another chance, because few of us are going to get that lucky!

Follow Ups:

- Re: Bachelorette Beach Party LeviLovR 00:40:05 7/01/2023 (2)
  - Re: Bachelorette Beach Party MRN 08:32:31 7/01/2023 (1)
    - Re: Bachelorette Beach Party Zonie 16:07:28 7/01/2023 (0)

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