# Re: First shared soak day

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Posted by MRN on June 26, 2023 at 20:40:39

In Reply to: Re: First shared soak day posted by Squishy Plushie on June 25, 2023 at 22:44:01:

I doubt very much that either of us will understand the other. Our entire thought processes are so radically different.

If you want an interesting thought exercise, imagine that your brain does not integrate colours. A blank window on your computer screen would not show as a white rectangle but red, green and blue simultaneously, rather like what you are really seeing. Now imagine that your brain does not integrate ideas: you see a jumble of simultaneous perspectives that you cannot reconcile. That might offer a small clue as to how I see the world. I also keep a lot hidden (even from you and everyone else here, although with regards to comments I made on Nigel’s forum, I’ve been a lot more open here than I ever wanted to risk before).

Although my two visits have provided me with some delightful fantasies, in reality the odds of meeting a compatible soul there are essentially zero. As soon as I start coming up against their own life and trying to bridge the gap and figure out how to deal with another person’s needs and expectations, I would be scared to death and lost. It’s far from insurmountable but it would be painful for a while until we settled, no matter how patient and tolerant she is.

The trouble with coming out of my shell is the idea of thrusting myself into another person’s life and the self-immolation as the whole endeavour goes down in flames of fear and panic, as well as the reasonable chance of rejection once she realises I’m really a loser underneath the veneer.

But yes, if you go alone, what do you do? And I’m not looking to interact physically with another man, even in a friendly sense, unless we were already very close and comfortable with each other.

Even so, I would still love the opportunity to visit with a woman, in spite of what I’ve said, and would do so in a heartbeat if I could, but I have no pathways by which to locate a single woman. I did consider pinning a note to a noticeboard in the office building, to invite a woman to join me, but I ruled it out out of a desire not to set a precedent in turning professional noticeboards into a lonely hearts club. I actually mentioned the idea to a random woman in the hallway at lunchtime, but backed down and walked away rather than press the matter, as I just don’t have the confidence.

The question is: was getting into the water a good thing or a bad thing? Did I disturb my own balance? I’ve been so lonely and depressed for ages now (going back to the loss of my friendship to Eddie) that in a way, there was no more harm to do, and it’s given me a chance to explore my ability to handle water.

Follow Ups:

- Re: First shared soak day Squishy Plushie 11:03:49 6/27/2023 (5)
  - Re: First shared soak day MRN 21:56:31 6/27/2023 (4)
    - Re: First shared soak day Squishy Plushie 02:23:58 6/28/2023 (3)
      - Re: First shared soak day MRN 20:38:39 6/28/2023 (2)
        - Re: First shared soak day Squishy Plushie 17:33:32 8/03/2023 (1)
          - Re: First shared soak day Squishy Plushie 18:12:56 8/03/2023 (0)

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